Franklin: Hello again.

Haytham: More Almanac pages?

Franklin: Not quite. It’s a treatise, actually.

Haytham: Oh? Concerning what?

Franklin: The benefits of taking an older woman as a lover.

Haytham: Really? This, I’d like to hear.

Franklin: First and most obvious – they’re wiser. And so this makes for far more stimulating conversation. Makes other things more stimulating as well. But more on that in a moment.

Haytham: Alright. Your argument for experience makes some sense.

Franklin: Second, when beauty fades, women must improve their utility – lest they be discarded and forgotten. Rare is an old woman who is not also kind, compassionate, and good.

Haytham: That’s something of a generalization.

Franklin: But also true. Now onto the third! Older women cannot conceive! Which means one less thing over which to fret. In fact, you also decrease the chance of acquiring something like the French Pox – its presence clearly visible – or the woman dead.

Haytham: And should one desire a child?

Franklin: Then make a young woman your wife. Let the older woman be a mistress. And that brings me to my fourth point: With age comes prudence. An older woman is less likely to reveal your indiscretions.

Haytham: Yes. I suppose you know quite a bit about that.

Franklin: And proud of it, thank you! As to the fifth reason: Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part: the face first grows lank and wrinkled, then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to last as plump as ever: so covering all the above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all cats are grey, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement.

Haytham: You mad bastard!

Franklin: Well it’s true. And believe me, I should know – I’ve sampled a great many. You should try one as well! Like a fine wine, they only improve with age. Although… I suppose if left unattended too long, they have a tendency to sour. And that, my friend, is a most unpleasant experience. Better to work in a field often plowed, you know?

Haytham: Is there more?

Franklin: Indeed, indeed. The sixth is this: the sin is less. To take a maidenhead is a great responsibility. Mishandled, it can ruin lives. No such risk with an older woman. And this implies the seventh: younger women are more given to compunction. Anxiety and unease are not present in the more aged and experienced. And as to the the last of my reasons. Well it’s really quite simple. Older women are so very grateful for the attention.

Haytham: You make a compelling argument, Mister Franklin. I might just have to run a few tests myself.

Franklin: I highly recommend it!

(Source: allsoundsasscreed)

878 Plays / 243 notes
greeneyefox:

Just Haytham… Redcoat Haytham.
mongoliantiger:

mongoliantiger:

hornigoldenshower:

tumblr mobile is such a gift

this is some weird ass crossover between lazy town and ass creed